The first time I heard this concept, I totally bust out laughing. I hope you enjoy hearing about and using the “technique” (really, Way of Living!) as much as I do! If you would like to comment on it and let me know your thoughts, please do so on my YouTube channel or on my FB page. If you prefer to read the transcript, it’s below.
Hi. I’m Dr. Elizabeth Bonet with Conversations for Effective Living at FloridaPschotherapy.com. I’m recording from home today.
Today I’m going to talk about Undeserved Forgiveness . . . “Undeserved Forgiveness.” This is a concept that totally makes me laugh, and the first time I heard it I burst out laughing. I was at lunch with some friends and one of the men has a 16-year-old son. He had done something; I don’t remember what. And he was really struggling with what to do with him. “Do I punish him? Do I do this? Do I do that? He’s not even talking to me!” Another man beside me said, “I think you need to go to Undeserved Forgiveness.”
Again, I totally burst out laughing. It is a perfect concept for parenting, for couples, even for friendship sometimes. We all do things that sometimes are not great. Right?
Sometimes we’re a little shit, sometimes our kids are little shits, who knows? We all do stuff like that and to keep the relationship going as a parent, and as a friend, and as a partner I know that sometimes I have to soften my heart. I have to keep in relationship to that person that I love and I adore and I want to support and care for. And that’s particularly with our children and our partners.
Sometimes “Undeserved Forgiveness” is really where it’s at. Like, “No, you don’t really deserve this forgiveness but I don’t want to stay mad at you. I don’t want to move into resentment at you. So I’m going to soften my heart here and go into Undeserved forgiveness, like, “Yes, okay. We’re going to talk this out,” and that creates a space so that you can do that so that the relationship and the connection stay present.