Bonding with your Baby Takes Time

Bonding with your Baby Takes Time. A frequent fear I hear from moms is that they haven’t or aren’t bonding with their baby like they expected. As a PMD / PPD specialist in Broward County, Florida, I can tell you that for some women it’s immediate but for a lot of women, the bond grows over time, over months and years.

Transcript

Today I’m going to talk about bonding after you have a baby and also during pregnancy.

So a lot of women expect or actually I think it’s more of like our culture says “Oh you need to bond with the baby while you’re pregnant and the motivation for doing all these different things and I know this because this is talked about in prenatal yoga to “go to yoga to bond with your baby”.

Go to prenatal yoga, it’s great. It decreases anxiety, and depression before and after birth but my point is that sometimes that “bonding” that you’re expecting doesn’t really happen during pregnancy and it takes time to grow after birth as well, and sometimes you just feel like there’s just something in there moving around. You may get a little sense of them. Like my second baby who is always making me laugh and I would go to my chiropractor and she would make my chiropractors laugh. She’s had such a funny sense about her and she still makes people laugh but I couldn’t really visualize her, I didn’t really feel bonded to her in any way. It was just more like “Oh she seems like a funny baby” so, for me, it really happened more after my kids were born and this also takes time.

There is the whole “Oh you bond the first minute you see them. that totally happens and that’s wonderful when it happens but for a lot of moms, a good percentage of them, that bond grows over time and I’m talking months or years; that’s okay! For those moms, they often feel like “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I just immediately feel like a connection in the bottom of this baby and sometimes it just means that babies are really hard, you can see my other video about that.

There is pretty much hell after you first have a baby. The bond happens over time because it is so hard. It’s like “Oh my God, now I have to take care of this baby/thing and I have to keep it alive and there’s a lot of pressure there and all of that. So a lot of the feelings go into that.

Often when the babies start smiling around six weeks, then the bond starts to grow because that’s feedback that you’re getting. It’s pretty normal, it’s pretty natural like thank God they smile around six weeks or else you would just throw them in the woods, right? LOL

I say thank God he’s smiling around six weeks because that’s about the breaking point for most moms like going nuts here. Sometimes moms get really scared that there’s something wrong with them and that they’re never going to bond with this baby and I try to reassure them and say that’s really not the case. The longer you take care of the baby, the more you’re going to grow to love them and the bond will grow and that’ll be a wonderful thing that happens.

All right so that’s my thought for today just want to reassure moms out there that everything’s okay. It’s all going to be okay.

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Peace and Health,
Dr. Liz