The Mother’s Day (& More!) Gift Giving Guide . . . to You
Mother’s Day is coming up on the heels of Valentine’s Day. Although you would think from Facebook that both holidays are the happiest day of the year, I know I’ll hear about the fallout that caused hurt and emotional pain in the coming weeks in my office.
Clients who’s spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend didn’t give them anything, not even a card, or gave them a disappointing present. Clients who got flowers when they’ve told their partner that they hate flowers. Clients who got dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate. Clients who got silver jewelry when they only wear gold.
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Clients who had an argument with their partner about who NOT to visit that day – their mom, their grandmother, their baby mama. Clients who begged their partner to focus on them for once; it’s Valentine’s Day after all.
And Clients who feel the pressure of Valentine’s Day and react against it – the ones who don’t want to give anything, or don’t know what to give, or secretly don’t love their partners, or feel like whatever they do or give it will never be good enough so why even try?
Enter The Gift Giving Guide To You
Somehow I hit on the Gift Giving Guide honestly due to being very hard to buy for. What it means for my partner is that the list of things I really need when it comes to gift giving is very, very short. In addition, if it’s not the right thing I have a hard time faking happiness. This has definitely led to hurt feelings in the past that needed to be repaired. And lots of returns and exchanges.
At one point, I decided to help my partner out and made The Gift Giving Guide to Elizabeth.
When I’ve used this with clients, it’s been very effective. They sometimes have some resistance or fear at first that goes like this:
- I shouldn’t have to tell him what to buy! He should know!
- I’ve told him a million times that I hate dark chocolate! I’m not saying it again!
- He will be insulted if I do this!
- What if I give it to him and he still doesn’t do anything anyway?
The primary question I like to ask back is . . . Would you like to be happier on Valentine’s Day, Mother’s Day, your birthday, your anniversary, Christmas or Hannukah?
If the answer is yes, then dive in.
1. Fill it out and give it to your loved one(s)
2. Prepare to feel pampered.
1. Give it to your favorite mom(s)
2. Ask her (or them) to fill it out and give it back
3. Follow the suggestions on the guide
4. Watch the nominations for Son, Daughter, Husband, Wife, Boyfriend or Girlfriend Of The Year come rolling in!
Now some partners need this way in advance and also need reminders about when to start shopping. I suggest putting a reminder on your own calendar to send a reminder to your partner. Hopefully it will be something motivating like. . .
Don’t Delay! Janie’s birthday is coming up on the 15th! Shop for a present for her!
Here’s Your Gift Giving Guide to ME for this year!
Adding emoticons will definitely help here. Little smileys, presents, and flowers (if you like them) will keep it friendly.
Your Love Language
It’s not a requirement, but what I suggest your Guide include is your Love Language.
We talk about the Five Love Languages all the time in Couples Counseling in my practice in Hollywood (Broward County). It’s one of the top books that I recommend to couples. Couples come in fighting and often do *not* feel loved. Why? Because their partner is talking in his or her own Love Language, a common mistake.
Often we want to show love to someone else – our partners, our kids, our friends – and we do it in a way that we like to receive love. It goes something like this, “Well I like to receive little love notes so I’m going to write him/her a love note for Valentine’s Day. He/She will LOVE it!” Like I said, this is usually a mistake . . .Find out your Own Love Language and also find out Your Partner’s Love Language. (They also have a Child one, by the way.)
Taking the super easy online quiz, reading the book, or downloading the app are all easy ways to start feeling loved. Learn what your partner’s love language is and then strive to meet it in some way every day. Learn what your own is, and ask for what you need around it!
You can also listen when your loved ones talk
I was hanging out with a friend I adore the other day and she was talking about how much she did for her boyfriend and all she wanted was a Thank You. She didn’t say she wanted a present for all she did (Gifts) or for him to do something for her (Acts of Service). She wanted a Thank You (Aha! Words of Appreciation are her love language!).
Yours in health,