#1 Fear of Daughters of NPD Moms

Daughters of NPD moms have lots of fears that come up in relationships, including this one! It’s the one I hear most of the time in my office.

Transcript

Today’s topic is the biggest fear of daughters of narcissistic mothers. 

So, I work a lot with daughters of narcissistic mothers in my private practice in Broward County which is in South Florida. Probably the top fear I hear is that they’re narcissistic, that  in some way. 

And this is impossible. Just to put your mind at ease here. 

In fact, a daughter of a narcissistic mother learns very early to take care of herself, to put her own needs aside. In fact, there’s this line from this awesome book “Will I Ever Be Good Enough” by Karol McBride (I have other videos about it)

She says I’m going to quote her here:

“The daughter of a narcissistic mother has unmet needs and therefore displays some neediness sometimes because it’s impossible not to.”

You grew up with unmet needs until you began to talk to that little inner child part of yourself and do some of the work emotionally to meet that neediness is going to show up but

“The codependent behavior is a disguise to cover up the neediness and display strength and competence.”

So we often go into codependents. Like myself here, I have a narcissistic mother which is why I specialize in this area I know so much about it and have done so much work around it that codependence means that we take over for somebody else. We start over-functioning for them and we start doing everything for them. 

“When under stress, her neediness will come out and she will look like the dependent.”

Oh my God! This is also something that daughters of narcissistic mothers absolutely hate: feeling like they’re dependent on somebody because if they’re dependent then that means that person has control over them and it triggers all that old stuff around their mom that did have control. She did and everything was for her and if you were dependent on her it was not a good experience.

Early early early in your life, it wasn’t a good experience.

You may be an adult woman now watching this and it’s still not a good experience like she’s still alive perhaps and it’s still all about her just in different ways now. And you taking care of her and sometimes even the demands increase as you get older and you’re more “competent” as an adult and you have resources and money and all kinds of stuff. And narcissistic mothers often get very demanding around that.

So that can happen too but again to go back to that number one fear –  the fear is that you’re narcissistic and it’s just not possible. In fact, what happens is often you don’t develop healthy narcissism.

Healthy narcissism

There’s some narcissism that’s good for you meaning like you have some self-esteem and you take care of yourself in certain ways and you know that type of thing. Daughters of narcissistic mothers learn so much to put their needs aside that often they don’t even have that healthy narcissism that people need to get along in the world and get around in the world and function well.

So I’ll do another video on what is healthy narcissism for daughters in narcissistic mothers so that you know what that is and you can work on that kind of stuff and start developing some of it.

I hope that sets your mind at ease.

My private practice is in Broward County, Florida. 

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Peace and Health,
Dr. Liz