NPD Book Review “This Stops with Me”

Transcript

Hi everyone Dr Liz here.

I thought I would give you another resource for narcissism. I’ll put the picture up so that the print is not backwards but this book is called This Stops With Me and it’s by Louise Greyhurst It gets excellent reviews online which is why I ordered it.

I’m always looking for good resources around working with adult children of narcissists which is my focus. I don’t like working with narcissists at all. If one calls me and I identify them on the phone I usually refer them. If they make it past that first filter somehow then usually it’s only a couple of sessions that narcissists do anyway in therapy. But even so I’ll typically refer them say this isn’t a good fit um because I don’t really enjoy it.

There are other therapists who enjoy working with narcissists and um I’m not one of them probably because I had a narcissistic mother and so I just don’t enjoy that dynamic and I don’t um I don’t believe that they can really change a whole lot. So you really have to hold that belief as a therapist to work with someone. You hold the hope that someone can change and I don’t really believe that that happens with narcissism.

It happens with other stuff borderline personality disorder BPD often um children of narcissists will be identified as BPD because of a dynamic going on. But um I think you can recover from borderline personality disorder and feel very stable and secure. But narcissism nope.

And there’s a study that came out in 2024 that validated that where they studied them over you know decades and said they don’t really change.

So what I say if you have a parent that’s a narcissist is the work is with you. The work is with how do I manage this relationship. Or if you choose to cut off how do I cut off this relationship?

So this book goes into her narrative I see it more as a narrative about her journey with a narcissistic mother, about the feelings that she had and has, and it only has I would say about a chapter or two around what do you do.

Like what kind of strategies do you use? And that chapter is really focused on contact – do you maintain contact, what level of contact do you maintain, or do you cut off so making some of those decisions and that’s a a helpful chapter. But the rest of the book I found very informative. It’s emotional. I think it could be very validating for someone with a narcissistic parent.

It’s pretty slim so it’s about half the size of the  Will I Ever Be Good Enough that’s Carol McBride’s book Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers that’s the title of that book and I’ll put it on the screen for you. That one has a lot of exercises in it if you’re more interested in that and doing some self-help at home and growth at home.

I use some of those exercises actually in my practice. Often I’ll find a book and I’ll make a handout out of something in the book that I can use in my practice to help people. But I’d like to give different resources for people to discover and some are a good fit for some and not others. So that’s um that’s the update here about that book.

If you are looking for help I do work virtually, happy to work with adult children of narcissists to help you heal and grow and help you manage the relationship with a parent. Often you partner with a narcissist because you have a blind spot or sometimes you end up with friends that are narcissistic that you don’t catch until later and all a sudden it hits you like oh my god like this friendship is not very satisfying what am I doing here? Things like that will happen because we have blind spots. I had a narcissistic mother myself so I know this intimately but if you’re interested in working with me take a look over at my website. Go look at the other series if you like to if you want to identify what type of narcissist your mother or parent is.  It could apply to either parent. That’s a helpful series as well all right peace.

Before you go, remember to get your Free Hypnosis to reduce Fear and Anxiety!

I work with people all over the world. If you want to feel better and have a transformed life, grab your Free Consultation with me to get the deets on working together (the how, the when, the where, and the how much)!

Click to Schedule a Free Consultation

Peace and Health,

Dr. Liz