Image from drlaura.com. Struggled with finding a good picture for this blog post. Really wanted to put a picture of a goat, but thought some of you might be offended . . .
Mother’s Day is coming up and I wanted to share some tips with you for a better Mother’s Day. First off, if you haven’t gotten the free Gift Giving Guide to YOU, Download it now! It will help with Mother’s Day and all future holidays as well.
Perhaps you have a great relationship with your mom – wonderful. Choosing a card and gift for her is easy and you can move on to your next newsletter to read.
But if Mother’s Day is tricky for you emotionally and you don’t have such a great relationship or perhaps you have a Narcissistic or Toxic mom, these tips will help.
1. Avoid Social Media. You really don’t need to see everyone and their mother gushing about how wonderful they are and what kind of wonderful gifts they received or gave. Take care of yourself by not causing yourself unneeded emotional pain or jealousy.
2. Avoid conflict. Mother’s Day is not the day to bring up everything from the past – all the ways she failed you or wasn’t there for you when you needed her. Keep the actual day neutral and try to sty out of arguments even if she tries to bait you. Save the confrontations for another day that is less emotionally challenging to begin with or for a session with your therapist.
3. Do what you can without having a panic attack. If you can stomach the card section at your local pharmacy or grocery store, try to find a neutral card to send. Yes, I know this can be difficult, but it’s better than a gushy card that feels like lying.
4. To give (or send) a present or not . . . Do what you need to do to feel good about yourself regardless of whether your mom “deserves” it. Don’t send a gift if you don’t want to and won’t feel good about it. But send flowers or a small gift if it helps you feel like you are a “good” daughter or son. At that point, it may help you feel better to know that you’ve done your part for the day and can then enjoy the rest of the day without having to think about it, particularly if you’re a mother yourself or your wife is a great mom.
5. Feel free to ignore the day completely. You heard me right. There’s no rule that you have to celebrate Mother’s Day, particularly if you have or had an extremely toxic or abusive mother.
6. Celebrate the day with your Heart Mama. This is a woman in your life, usually older, who truly mothers you and who you choose to have in your life. She shows up for you, takes your calls, doesn’t ask you to kiss her feet every five minutes, and gives you good motherly advice.
7. Express your needs to your partner. Sometimes people with crappy moms marry people who don’t know how to attend to them. If you’re a mom yourself, be sure to make your wishes known and clear about how you would like to be treated on Mother’s Day. And if you’re the partner of a mother, ask them what they need and want on Mother’s Day.
8. Don’t feel like you have to make a big deal of your partner’s mom unless you want to. Sometimes there’s pressure to do a big shin dig for the mom of someone you’re married to. If you truly love and adore your mother-in-law, feel free to go all out. But if you need to stay home or to be able to leave the party, listen to yourself and acknowledge that this is a sensitive day for you. Commit to taking care of yourself, treating yourself with respect, love, and gentleness.
Hopefully at least one of these will resonate with you and help you get through Mother’s Day. If you need more than tips, I specialize in hypnosis, anxiety and helping adult children of toxic parents feel more stable. To see if we’re a good fit to work together and you live in Broward County and the Fort Lauderdale / South Florida area, schedule your free consultation at 954-309-9071.
Yours in health,
Dr. Liz
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