NPD Moms – Is Healing for Adult Children Possible with Dr Liz

Transcript

Hi Dr. Liz here. And I thought I would make a video for adult children of narcissistic parents talking about healing. So I just did a series on the different types of narcissistic mothers. Okay. And I realized that it, most of them, I talked about that it’s important to heal this area of your life, but perhaps you didn’t watch any of those. Okay. I want people to know that there’s hope. So this is a specialty area of mine. I love working with children of narcissistic parents. I had a narcissistic mother myself. I had to work through that and do a lot of deep healing. And that means like over, I don’t know, 10 or 15 years I did that healing. That’s not a one-shot thing. It’s different therapists and the different pieces. And, um, learned a whole lot along the way. So healing really is possible.

Okay, healing, meaning that inside you feel worthy and whole, complete, worthy of love, worthy of their relationship, worthy of a good relationship. As often as, um, children of narcissists, parents, they’ll grow up and they’ll get into pretty awful relationships. And then they’ll think what is going on here? No, like I had a narcissistic parent and I certainly didn’t want to marry when they often end up married to a narcissist. That was my first marriage. I was married to a narcissist he’s still nurses. Um, and it was a pretty miserable marriage. And then that came to an end and I did an even deeper level of healing around this because it is important to do that work. Okay. You offer and grow up accepting crumbs as a child of a narcissistic parent, because that’s what you got. You either got it physically or emotionally, um, crumbs, right?

Like you didn’t get the full loving care of an attentive parent. Now often narcissists will marry very caring people who, because they need the strokes from the partner. They’re not going to marry another narcissistic partner typically. Okay. Occasionally you’ll get into like the addicted mom or addicted dad category where they’re marrying just awful people that are also addicts. You know, sometimes that will happen. But typically a narcissistic parent is going to marry someone who is caring and loving is going to take care of them because that’s our whole goal in life is to get taken care of. So sometimes you’ll have another parent who does the good work of parenting. That was my father. He was a very good father, but you’re getting half. Right? So you’re still learning these patterns of the narcissistic parent. The other one that, you know, I only deserve this much or what you do reflects on them or your accomplishments or what it’s about, or, um, you know, they’re our sickness, their illness, their neediness is way more important than anything going on in your life.

Okay. They’ll get very demanding about this. They’ll often get mean demanding. Um, they’ll accuse you of not loving them or they’ll get, um, very surface oriented sometimes like, oh, nobody knows that you love me and blah, blah. And you never even mention me. Like, all kinds of stuff can go on here is what I’m saying. Okay. Or they never have time for you. They’re always rushing off to something. That’s very, very common for a narcissistic parent. It’s like, oh, just dropping by for five minutes and then boom, they’re gone. Right? Because they’re not truly checking in on you or caring about what you’re going through or what you’re doing or your children, they’re sort of doing their due diligence. Or maybe they’re getting the, like one of her squeals from the grandchildren like, oh, I love you so much, grandma, grandpa. And then boom, they’re off because they got their narcissistic demon fed.

Okay. Um, don’t quote me on that. The narcissistic demon, that is how it feels like you can quote me on that. Like other narcissistic demon fed, we will call these vampires, right? Like emotional vampires is often how they’re referred to these days as well. They got the vampire fed. They came in, they fed, they left. Right? So you don’t really get the attention and care that you need. Anyway, back to the point, this is a very real possibility to help you navigate the relationship with your narcissistic parent, as well as heal on a deeper level and know that you truly are worthy. Okay. You truly do mean, have meaning in this world, mean something, if only to yourself. Okay. But chances are, you mean a lot to, a lot of people, sometimes, um, children narcissistic parents will cut off relationships with their only let them go to a certain level.

They won’t let them go deeper and they’ll feel this they’ll feel like lack of depth in their life. And that doesn’t really feel good. And they’ll often wish they had deeper relationships, but that’s pretty scary for them. So part of healing is saying, yeah, okay. It’s okay to have deeper relationships, okay. To be vulnerable and it’s identifying people who are safe to do that with. So that’s a big aspect to healing is being able to see someone who’s safe, whether that’s a friend or a lover. Okay? Being able to see whether this person is safe and is going to support you and love you and not beat you down and not, um, abuse you and not, um, you know, suck up all the goodness in the relationship and leave you with nothing. Right? So if you want to find out more about that, you can see more at my website, Dr. Liz hypnosis.com also run the anxiety clinic Hollywood and the insomnia center. Hollywood. I love working with all of those areas and I love this area and really helping people transform their relationship with themselves, with their partners, with their friends, with life, as well as navigate their relationship with their narcissistic parent. Okay. Whatever that looks like. It’s all kinds of possibilities there. All right. Have a wonderful week. Peace

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Peace and Health,
Dr. Liz